If you want to have more ease in your relationship, vulnerability is an important piece of the pie.
Change requires vulnerability.
Vulnerability is when you are able to just be yourself. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is giving yourself permission to drop all of the barricades in the fortress of protection that you have built. You will be able to interact in a meaningful way when you aren’t so busy protecting yourself that you can’t be intimate with the other person.
Be real in all of your relationships.
Many people try to control their relationships. They aren’t comfortable risking themselves by being vulnerable. If you can have a high degree of vulnerability, you have no need for control.
Let’s talk about the Rupture Avoidance Game.
You are avoiding rupture or separation when you try to control all risks that might be present. Anytime you try to word a text, an email, or a conversation in the right way so that you don’t upset someone, you are playing the rupture avoidance game. You are trying to control the situation.
We seek certainty through control and often the outcome is not what we desire. After experiencing several relationships with the same result, I realized I had to be willing to be more vulnerable, letting go of control. I have more of what i desire in a relationship now. When I stopped trying to control everything, it made a huge difference.
Is control creating what you desire in your relationship? Has it ever worked for you?
Control can come in many disguises:
No matter how you dress it up, Sunday best or casual grubbiness, it is still control. Whether you are screaming or acting passive aggressive, it is still a type of control. A relationship where you don’t say anything unless it is nice or where you are obligated to tell your partner everything are both relationships based on control.
When you bring vulnerability to your relationships it creates a space of allowance. Allowance is the antidote to control.
Vulnerable allowance in a relationship is when you give your partner permission to be themself and they give you permission to be yourself.
Give your partner the gift of vulnerable allowance. Ask them to be your ally in this partnership and let the changes begin.