How do you live in Allowance within your relationship?
Do you approach your partner with acceptance for what you cannot change in them? Or do you control, manipulate and dishonor your partner into the behaviors that you are sure that you know are the best ones for both of you?
Allowance is letting other people be, do and choose whatever they want to be do and choose, whether you like it or not. It has nothing to do with you.
I can hear the Yabuts.
Yabut what if they are choosing a behaviour that I don’t like? What if they are doing something that I know is not good for them? What if they are being a real ass-hat?
Here’s the thing. You aren’t in charge of your partner. Can you really know what is good or bad for another person? And who made you the boss of them anyhow?
Being in allowance does not mean letting them walk all over you.
It doesn’t mean that you have no choices. In fact, you have your Superpower of Choice.
If you notice that you are judging something, or wanting to control it, you are not in allowance. If you feel the need to be right or to label something as wrong, you are not in allowance. If you want to turn it into acceptance or tolerance, that is also not allowance.
The first step into allowance is curiosity. Be curious about the situation. Wonder why the person is choosing this. Don’t seek a conclusion or be right or wrong about it, just ask yourself; “I wonder what this wants to be?” That is where you find the surprises.
Often, the thing you are judging about someone else is where a lack of allowance exists for yourself. It can be very revealing.
Allowance is powerful in other ways too. If you allow someone to be the tyrant that they are, you can observe a lot about how they are operating in the relationship. If you can be there and witness them without judgment, it is amazing what may be revealed. People may pour out their fears, their love, their appreciation and their emotion because you have made a space to do it. They become more aware. They notice their behaviour and they might decide to shift gears.