Who is in charge of our Aliveness when we are in a Relationship?
When people come together, it is human nature to put your best foot forward – you show up with all your strengths and all your shiny bits. You put the worn, torn bits behind you and you might pretend that those bits don’t exist. You think about making a fresh start. When people are in their aliveness at the beginning of a relationship, their hormones change, they are lit up and everything seems possible.
Then, because we felt so great at the beginning, we assume it will continue. We behave in a way that says I feel great when I am with you; you need to keep doing that to keep me feeling great. I will do the same for you.
You show up in a certain way and you attach expectations to the other person to keep you feeling a certain way.
That is the moment when you are giving up your responsibility for your aliveness and put it in the hands of another.
The honeymoon phase is over. The problems start rearing their head because the shadow bits start coming out and having a relationship. Your debris comes out and gets in the way.
If you are experiencing this, let’s skip the judgment and blame. Watch what is going on inside you, that is where your aliveness is. Spend some time with yourself and discover who you are underneath the roles and labels.
It is not the other person’s responsibility to feed your aliveness.
When you become more intimate with yourself, that’s when you take responsibility for yourself. That’s when you stop being the victim of the judgments and beliefs of others. You trust you. You know that you truly have your own back. When you are your own authority, you are authentic and you literally just become you. Those other things just fall away.