Relationships can be the purest form of communion, but most of us do not experience this because of the friction and upsets that lie between us.
When we are triggered by something that happens we often blame the other person. Far too often we think that they are at fault. That is never the case. It is always the debris
that you’ve brought into the relationship that is causing the problem.
It is always your own shit.
Projection is rampant. It is so easy to say ‘you are the cause of that’. It’s about how you are functioning. Our orientation is often a big part of it. There are so many ways that people can choose to orient themselves. They can be playing the victim, behaving and acting in the past. It is as if they are still sitting in the cafeteria in high school, looking over at the table where the cool kids sit. They behave as if they are still living with their ex partner; they don’t recognize that they are dragging that situation from the past into their present life.
You packed up that debris and brought it with you so you can blame it for controlling your life now.
Judgment is the ingredient that creates drama. You can have a relationship without drama. It is possible. If you have only ever experienced relationships where people use judgment to make each other wrong, it is hard to imagine another way.
Often, it is our expectation that someone else needs to change or fix things so that you can feel better. If you ask for change and make the other person wrong, that is judgment. Judgment creates separation in relationships.
If you genuinely desire change
and you don’t know what to change, have a look at what you complain about the most. If you could have that thing a different way, what would it look like? Look at what is underneath all of that complaining and you might find a possibility that you’ve been missing. Make a choice that moves you in the direction of that possibility.
Step by step, you will move toward what you desire.
This post is infused by the energy of Seducing Aliveness,
where two inspiring hosts reveal some controversial ideas.