I recently went to my niece’s wedding. My brother’s family is religious, and somewhat estranged from the rest of my siblings, including my mother. There are a lot of reasons for this, including people’s inability to accept or make Allowance for all the different ways of living that exist.
That exists on both sides.
I sometimes feel that I am the link between members of my family; the gate, the place of connection. I always want people to get along and it can be frustrating when they don’t. I went to see my niece get married, but I was also determined to connect my brother back to our mother. She has been ill and there has been an unresolved dispute that is causing pain.
I’ve been listening to Seducing Aliveness, a blog talk radio show that is about creating a life of Allowance and non-Judgment.
Listening to the show has helped me cultivate curiosity about my judgments and the judgments of others in my family. As a result, I’m looking at things differently.
Allowance is letting other people Be, Do and Choose whatever they want to Be, Do and Choose, whether you like it or not.
First, I realized that I can’t expect my brother to behave the way I would. I can’t impose my expectations on him. That’s Judgment. Judgment creates separation. I needed to make a space of allowance for him to be and do and choose whatever he wants.
Second, in the church there was an opening in the space of allowance that I created.
I could feel the energy of the community of love that he has built. I could actually feel the love. Although I was in a religious community, which usually makes me uncomfortable, I was filled with acceptance. Curiosity and allowance made space for this opening.
And then, I experienced acceptance at the reception after the wedding. My brother and his family made a point of connecting with my mother and although things aren’t fixed there was a healing there.
By being curious and asking the universe what this wants to be, I was able to see things in a new light. Creating room for Allowance shifted me away from judgment and I felt the vibrant loving energy that surrounded the couple.
The community of support that was created by the families and friends coming together to witness the couple’s marriage was tangible. I felt a positive shift in how my brother was relating to us.