You won’t believe what I said YES to last month.
I can hardly believe it myself. After hiding in plain sight for years, I made a commitment to become more visible.
When I signed up I had no idea why I was doing it.
Since the kids left home, I’ve been withdrawing into a smaller world. No longer required to show up every day for work or for family, it’s been a lot easier to just say no to invitations. I started becoming a recluse, happier to stay home and work in the garden than go out and be with people. At first it was a choice, a decision to do some of the things that had been neglected for a long time.
Eventually it was just easier.
I withdrew into a shell, my home, my yard and my family. A few close friends would come by once in a while but they were busy in their own lives too.
Then an invitation popped up on my Facebook feed. It was an invitation to become more…. Visible.
The idea was to talk using videos on Facebook Live and also using an app called MarcoPolo. Our facilitator (Jen Halterman) would help us work through our fears and concerns. She would teach us about lighting and how to show up and be ourselves.
The whole idea intrigued me and at the same time, it made me uncomfortable. I would be showing up to complete strangers, and I would have to talk to people I didn’t know over a live video.
But, I’d always wanted to figure out how to send family video messages and this seemed like an easy way to do it. And it was a safe, protected space.
Little did I know that this was going to about being Vulnerable.
Little did I know that I would be revealing my Heart.
As I stared at myself on that first Marco Polo screen, I hesitated, my finger hovering over the start button. And then once I pressed it, my mind went blank and I stumbled over my words, forgetting what I wanted to say and babbling something incoherent. Worse, I blurted out a secret. Quickly pressing the stop button I hyperventilated for a moment at my computer before gathering myself together. I had taken the first step.
Since that moment, I have learned that becoming visible means being yourself, being real. It is bringing me back into my life; it feeds my Aliveness.
For this group, visibility was a life ring thrown and caught by strangers that met in the depths of ocean swells. Being Visible and real has given me the gift of true friendship.